After four years of writing countless, harsh, informative and sometimes pointless articles, I have no more words left inside me. For the first time, I am speechless.
Therefore, I have decided to use the classic hit ‘My Way’ from Frank Sinatra as my outlet for expression; to explain how I have felt during the past six months of my senior year.
“And now, the end is near. And so I face the final curtain. My friend, I’ll say it clear. I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain”
From club to mafia-like news groups, my time as Emily Alexandra Guajardo, senior convergence journalism major from San Antonio, is coming to its bitter end. I have performed alongside some of the best dancers West Texas has to offer and sang ‘Diamonds are a girls best friend’ beside a red head and blond on my right and left. And while these things only matter to me, I frankly don’t care because, for the last time, the curtain is closing, my hands are still waving, my face is still smiling, but my heart is slowly breaking.
“Regrets, I’ve had a few. But then again, too few to mention. I did what I had to do. And saw it through without exemption”
Even in the aftermaths of love lost and the deaths of a few too many friends, I regret nothing because I learned more than what I thought I would. To the boy who almost fooled me into love, I forgive you. To the girl who I punched, I forgive you. To the teachers who didn’t see me for the person I am going to be and gave away awards to those who don’t deserve them, I forgive you. I regret nothing because I came with nothing. As a first-generation Latina student swimming in a pool of white paste, I am proud to come out on the other side with a degree in one hand, cords around my neck and family surrounding my accomplishments.
“Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew, when I bit off more than I could chew,”
Juggling life, relationships and faith all while maintaining my overachiever like conduct, I have fallen into deep holes that go by the names of depression, self-hatred, fear and complete utter failure. And through it all, God has brought me out. I have pushed myself to the absolute physical and mental limits – and still have become accustomed to the dark walls that fill my head from time to time.
“But through it all, when there was doubt, I ate it up and spit it out. I faced it all and I stood tall”
A phrase my dad always told me is ‘Emily, Will you bend under pressure or will you perform?’ And you can bet your money, I performed and sometimes did not smile to the sneer, tacky, crackling laughs of those who stepped all over me. With the help of unexpected friends and the Lord All Mighty, I am back on my feet. And guess what? I am already in the lead once again.
“I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried. I’ve had my fill my share of losing. And now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing”
I have been blessed with some of the best people God has allowed me to know. Unlike most students, I have grown a deep, unsettling love for my friends since freshman year. They have been my rock and my sea and have made me learn what it means to be a woman of God. And now, I no longer cry the tears of I-will-never-forget-you because I won’t. The trips we took, the near arrest records we had and the secrets we told will never leave my mind.