By Elizabeth McVey, Staff Writer

You are engaged; your boyfriend planned the perfect proposal, and you said, “Yes.”

You begin to tell everyone you are getting married, and after a few moments of congratulations, they want to know when, where, how and, by the way, are you having tie-dyed flowers for the wedding?

When planning your wedding, you may face some awkward situations. You may be prepared to work with different people over several months; however, something no one may have told you about is the advice factor. A wedding somehow creates an open gateway for advice and information, which may sound great to a bride-to-be, but the problems begin when certain people think they know what you need or want and have the perfect solution.

“I worked with a couple whose mothers could not agree on which side of the aisle the groom’s family sat,” said Dr. Steven Moore, preacher, wedding coordinator and assistant professor of English. “Both mothers were convinced they knew what was correct. It was not until we researched the correct answer and spoke with the bride that the mothers finally agreed.”

Moore has worked with a variety of couples over the years. In his experience, he said it is common to have an unexpected conflict of interest. This conflict is often surprising when people honestly and whole-heartedly believe they know what is best for you. They have attended numerous weddings or have this “eye for design.” They know you will love their ideas and let them have free rein of all wedding decorating. It usually is a shock when you are confronted with this type of person. You may have imagined what your wedding will be like, but these plans did not involve this person or his or her ideas.

“When I was planning my wedding, I had an aunt who insisted that I use fake flowers because they were just as good as the real thing. But the flowers she was showing me were odd shades and not even a real type of flower,” said Ashley Hammerstein (’07), who married in June 2008. “I had to convince her that I was not going to use them while not offending her because she was one of the people helping me plan.”

You may find yourself in an even more interesting position. You are planning your own wedding, but planning a wedding is a considerable task. You want as much help as you can get from friends and family; you want people to pitch in and help make your day perfect, but their help often comes with their input.

“I asked my friend for advice on what the bridesmaids should wear, and she assumed that she was in the wedding,” said Brenda Scott, who married in August 1975. “She was so convinced and so honored that I had to keep her in the wedding party because it would have crushed her otherwise. Thankfully it worked out well in the end, but it was not what I had planned at all.”

It may be difficult to know how to handle yourself when you are faced with the “advice person.” It is your wedding, and your ideas should be used. But you need to be wise on how you handle these types of people. They are often people who love you, such as your family or an important figure in a friend or family circle. You could just tell them off, but such an action might have unexpected results, especially if the person was the groom’s mother.

The following are some tips on ways to handle these awkward situations:

* Know that it is coming. When you become engaged, you may not know everyone is going to have a suggestion or firm belief that your wedding should include certain elements.

* Have a plan and take the time to figure out what you really want. It is going to be harder for your crazy aunt to suggest or insist on something when you have a set design for the wedding.

* Know you may have to gently hurt feelings. Relatives or friends may become offended if you do not use their ideas. It is at this time that you need to have a rebuttal to their suggestions. “I am grateful for your suggestion but I think we are going to try something different this time. I respect your opinion and I am glad that you want to be a part of my day.” Be firm but gentle. These people are still a part of your life, and you want them to enjoy your day with you and not be fuming in the audience.

* Do not forget this is still your day. The day is about your marriage to the man with whom you have decided to spend the rest of your life. It is important to not lose sight of the end goal: your wedded bliss. So if some are mad or upset although you have done your best to appease, let them be mad because this is about you and your man, not them.

Your wedding is your special event. The planning of it should not be overly stressful because you are trying to appease everyone. The bride-to-be needs to enjoy the planning and the event without worrying about others. A wedding does not require you to use or take any advice. Your marriage is the ultimate goal on this day, not whether you used your aunt’s tie-dyed flower suggestion.