I have noticed a problem on this campus that has gone largely unnoticed by those in charge. Considering it has been an issue for quite some time, it is unsettling no one has addressed it. For years, male college students have been playing the acoustic guitar in strategic areas, trying to attract the opposite sex. They put a bandana on their head, take off their shoes and sit under a tree where there is steady girl traffic. Then they go through their limited repertoire of girl-approved songs until they catch some attention.

Girls who fall into the trap of the acoustic guitar often do not realize it until it is too late. They mistake these young men as sensitive or talented, only to find out Wonderwall is the only song these young men know how to play. However, by the time they become aware of this, they are already stuck in a relationship with a lame soundtrack.

This issue has not been addressed on the ACU campus as of yet because the faculty members are not directly affected. I have never seen anyone try to woo Dr. Royce Money with a rendition of Every Rose Has Its Thorn. Therefore, none of the campus leaders see it as a problem, but it must be addressed before it causes any more casualties.

I propose ACU institute an audition process for those students who wish to perform in the public arena. Judges would be required to answer the following questions:

Is the performer barefoot? Is he wearing a bandana somewhere on his person? Will he be playing near any of the women’s dorms? Does he have any qualities similar to Bret Michaels?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, the person auditioning is immediately disqualified. If after auditioning, the performer passes all criteria, they will receive a permit specifying they are allowed to play in public legally. School administrators and police officers will be allowed to check for these permits at their discretion. If someone is caught playing guitar without a permit, they will be fined, the proceeds of which will go into a scholarship fund that will be available to incoming freshmen.

I am not against freedom of expression, but when that freedom takes away the availability of single ladies on campus, I am reluctant to keep my mouth closed. Instituting an audition process will not only give true artists a chance to show their creativity, but it will limit those with ulterior motives to open mic nights where such behavior is expected.