I was nervous. I was anxious. Questions of success and failure loomed in my head and even caused a few tears here and there. Yes, I may have just been six years old, but these were real concerns in tumultuous times. Yet when the day came, I donned my new red and blue plaid jumper, took one last look at my mom and dad, sighed a deep breath of concern and marched into kindergarten. And from that moment on, I’ve always known school was the place for me.
I like school because it’s new and yet familiar: I don’t know exactly what will happen, but in many ways I know exactly how it will happen. I like the routine, the overarching structure and the sense that even if today wasn’t the greatest, tomorrow can be the same but better. The future is certain in school: you must go to class, you must finish that project, you must eat lunch with friends, etc.
All of that is about to change, however. In less than two weeks, I’m graduating and saying goodbye to school – if not for forever, at least for some time. I will no longer need to buy highlighters in bulk quantity or random philosophy books that I can pretend to have read at length. I can no longer follow a preplanned schedule, and I will no longer have reason to stress about assigned tests and papers.
While this is obviously great news, here I am again feeling those same concerns as I did in my pre-jumper days: I’m nervous and anxious, and I am not ashamed to admit numerous tears. HavingÂ shed. Right now, dealing with the whole unknown and undefined future thing seems so much worse than succumbing to stress and assignments.
But my experience tells me to not give up hope. First I loved not being in school, and for years now I’ve loved being in school, so I am certain that whatever God has prepared for me in the future, it’s something I’ll love.
Remind yourself (and I promise to do the same) that in a moment of uncertainty, the panic will eventually subside. Take a deep breath and trust that what’s in store doesn’t always need to follow a definite plan.