“The One with the Birth Mother,” Season 10, episode nine. Don’t be misled: This episode of “Friends” is really all about the food – a message hammered home by Joey’s impassioned yell, “Joey doesn’t share food!” as he tries to explain a date gone wrong to mystified friends.

Generally, people don’t remember Joey’s character for his sage wisdom, but it this case, he and I share a fundamental belief: “When it comes to food, I have certain rules. There are things you do and things you don’t do.” And sharing falls into the “don’t” category.

Don’t get me wrong – I watched “Sesame Street,” I know how to share. And I’ve read the passages, I realize sharing food is scriptural. And I love Lady and the Tramp; those two spaghetti-sharing canines have charmed generations. But watching someone else horn in on my victuals – doesn’t matter if it’s the first French fry or the last corn nugget – a primal fury kicks in, and I just want to scream, “Laura doesn’t share food!”

Give me just a second, and I always realize the irrationality of my response. Pause just a moment, and I’ll share most, if not all of whatever resides on my plate. You just have to use a clean fork.

But please, when eating with others, especially on dates, think about Joey’s and my rule. Remember, “It’s not about the fries, it’s about what the fries represent – all food.” If you don’t want to annoy your friends or repel your date, “don’t order a garden salad and then eat [their] food. That’s a good way to lose fingers!”