In a welcome break from Donald Trump’s term as president and North Korea’s mysterious nuclear tests, Starbucks has turned our attention to their newest lab creation: the creamy, fluffy, rainbow, sour blended beverage of your childhood dreams. None other than the Unicorn Frappuccino.
Thought to possess magical, flavor-changing powers, the Unicorn frappuccino is pink, purple, blue and a terrible waste of money.
Yes, we tried it ourselves. We offered students on campus a taste. And all who dared take a sip were left with confused looks on their faces.
What flavor is this?
Why do we want another sip, but simultaneously want to throw it on the ground?
What is the blue gel the barista squirted in this cup?
How did Starbucks yet again get us to spend ridiculous amounts of money on a drink they just made up?
Is Starbucks actually a coffee company anymore?
With this latest attempt at Instagrammable beverages only rolled out because of marketable qualities, does Starbucks still deserve our unwavering devotion?
The Unicorn Frappuccino is a shining example of the company’s floundering identity as a whole yet it also shows the evil genius of the marketing office of the coffee captains of the world.
We don’t care what it is, we will drink anything now, apparently.
It can taste like mysterious, magical pseudo-fruit, but call it a unicorn and we’ll drop $5 on it in a hot second.
With a little imagination, you can almost believe it tastes like sherbet or sour candy, but after a few sips, your confused tastebuds will beg for a break. The worst part is the blue drizzle, which includes white chocolate mocha sauce mixed with sour blue powder, according to Starbucks’ website.
Never mix sours with cream flavors, hasn’t that been said before…
This drink just goes to show how much power Starbucks has over us. Even those of us who prefer local brews and baristas just had to try the Unicorn. By naming it after a fairy tale creature and making it available for just five days, Starbucks got us all to spend money on this cup of cholesterol. They didn’t have to make a good drink, which makes us wonder how many other tasteless things they could offer that we’d buy without a second thought.
Starbucks tried to provide something magical, but the only magical thing about it is the amount of calories they packed into a 16 oz drink.
You might buy it, believing the drink might taste just like you believe unicorns might exist. Well, take this from people who tried it: magic doesn’t actually taste good.