By Steve Holt, Opinion Editor
I love Fall (whatever that means in West Texas).
Fall is typically characterized by football, sweatshirts, looking forward to Thanksgiving break, and in many university residence halls, that slow-burning, passive-aggressive tension that exists between non-compatible freshman roommates.
Some of you freshmen know what I’m talking about -the “roommate from Heaven” you bragged about in August has since grown horns.
He eats your Moon Pies. She “baby talks” to her boyfriend on the phone. You see him wearing your pants in the Campus Center. Her mom stays in your room on the weekend. True story. The list goes on …
Whatever your peeve, you’re sure of one thing: Next semester, he or she is toast. Gloria Gainor rings in your ears as you assure your other friends, “I will survive!” It’s time to find a new roommate.
Then the reality of this new resolution sets in: at some point, your current roommate needs to know this tid-bit of important information. A painfully passive-aggressive person myself, I don’t have any constructive advice on how to tell roomy-zilla that you’re moving on to greener pastures. I can, however, offer a “top-10 list” of sorts on how not to break the “bad” news to your roommate from you-know-where.
So, without further ado, here are the top-10 worst ways to tell your current roommate you’re finding a new one next semester:
10. “I hate you, and I’m leaving. Can I take the T.V.?”
9. Putting her stuff out in the hall. (very subtle…)
8. Burning “I’m getting a new roommate. With Love, Jen” in the lawn of Nelson Hall.
7. Writing it in an Instant Message-from across the room. Talk about awkward.
6. “It’s not me, it’s you. Jerk.”
5. Trying to explain it on one of those “dorm room dry erase boards.” Quite possibly the worst communication medium on the planet.
4. Putting her stuff in the disgusting dorm dumpster.
3. “Um, hey, man. How’s your semester been? Mine? Oh, school is kicking my tail. Listen, we haven’t really talked much this semester. I guess we’ve both been really busy … you, especially, eating my moon pies, wearing my pants, phone cuddling with your girlfriend-we’re through!”
2. You: “Knock-knock.” Her: “Who’s there?” You: “Ima.” Her: “Ima who?” You: “Ima dropping you like a hot rock starting in January.”
And now for the worst possible way to tell your current roommate you’re finding a new one next semester?
1. Just letting him or her return to an empty room after Christmas.
Be nice to each other, students-even when “roommate break-up” is imminent. For those of you who have decided to stick it out with Mr. or Mrs. Wrong-a great reward awaits you in the end.
