By Jon “Pink Slime” Camp

Fair Melpomene,

Sing of our ferocious dodgeball madness,

Recount our undergrad slaughter.

Set to purpose my pen to greatness,

As I make the millennials shudder.

For on the barren plain of Gym A,

We find our hero McCracken.

He is our Maximus, indeed, Doctore!

For whom we will leave all else beaten.

Surrounded is he by warriors renown,

Having come of age in antiquity,

When skills in the arts of dodgeball were known,

Before it was banned in PE.

Here’s John “the Ballerina,” blood-drenched with delight,

John Mark who frightens the dark.

David the Dark Knight with fervor to light

Up your world by hitting his mark.

Here’s Casey the Swift, a Giant named Houston,

And Pedro the man with quick feet.

Here’s Matthew the Young One and Kilnam the Spry One,

“Pink Slime” with primordial screams.

The shock and awe as we smote and dispatched

Those GSP boys into oblivion!

The rush, the pitch, the throw, the catch

We delivered with subtle precision.

And to you boys of Galaxy,

Who thought you had us beat:

Your rosy-fingered attempts to fling

Caused laughter among us so sweet!

So if you think you’ll win dodgeball

Against us, you’re sadly mistaken.

For when you fall–and fall you shall!

It’s because we released the McCracken!