Romantic love is overvalued in today’s society. I love romance as much as the next guy, maybe even a little more. I consider myself to be a bit of a hopeless romantic. Romance is a beautiful thing, but it’s not everything. Love doesn’t exist in ranks, with romantic love at the top. And in a culture saturated with romance, I think we need to remind ourselves of that.

According to “Freakonomics”, romance is the highest-grossing fiction genre in the world. All it takes is a quick look at popular culture to see how pervasive it is in our society. Scrolling the radio for a few minutes will get you a few dozen songs about love or lust. I mean, we don’t have a whole genre of music called a “friendship song.”  Movies and television are full of romance, and even the ones that aren’t focused on it usually have some kind of romantic subplot. But if they don’t, fans will make one up.

Close friendships in film and television are often perceived as sexual or romantic. To be honest, it’s disappointing. Don’t misunderstand: there’s nothing wrong with shipping. It’s great to engage in art in a meaningful way, and headcanons can be a fun way to connect with a piece of media. But if you find yourself searching for romance in every piece of media, you might consider reflecting on why you feel the need to do this.

Would the relationship between the characters be seen as less meaningful if they were “just friends”? Is romantic love superior to platonic love? The answer, at least in my eyes, is no. Even so, I find myself doing this all the time. I have allowed the constant stream of romance in popular culture to affect my unconscious perceptions of love, and I want to try to fix it.

Brace yourself: this next point might ruffle a few feathers. I don’t think people should seek out a life partner right at the start of college.

Focusing on romance in my first year of college put me behind in a lot of other aspects of my college life. I wasn’t involved in any clubs, and I didn’t have many close friends. Being a year behind, it took a lot of effort for me to get involved on campus and find my people. If I had put less of my time and energy into romance and more of it into building community and pursuing my interests, I would have had an easier time the rest of my years in school.

Now, I know this isn’t the case for everyone. Some people can juggle things better than my freshman-year self and end up happily married by the end of college without missing out on life. My married and engaged friends have lovely relationships, and I’m happy for them. I’m not saying you shouldn’t date in college, just that you shouldn’t focus all of your time and energy on romance. As a student, time and energy are two of your only resources, and you ought to spend them carefully. 

Romantic love isn’t superior to other kinds of love. In the times when I have had my heart broken by romance, who has pulled me out of it?

My family, who love me unconditionally and pray for me ceaselessly. My friends, who listen to me ranting about the same thing over and over, without uttering a single complaint. And my God, who loves me unfathomably even when I’m furious with Him. These relationships have been so fulfilling, so life-giving. All of these kinds of love have shaped my life and molded me into the person I am today, and I think that person is pretty cool. 

Romantic love is beautiful. I am grateful for every romantic experience I’ve had, even the ones that have caused me pain. I have always wanted to get married, and I’m so excited to find my life partner one day. But I don’t want that to overshadow the other great loves in my life. Familial love, platonic love, divine love, even self-love – they are all just as important, just as beautiful.

So please, enjoy romance. But don’t forget that life is so much more than that, and love is so much more profound. Romance is great. But love is even better.