By Denton Josey, Features Editor
A baby monkey befriended a pigeon at a zoo. Isn’t that amazing? Oh yeah, and President Bush said 5,700 troops will come home by Christmas, or some thing like that. You should see the picture of that monkey and pigeon.
In class Tuesday, the six-year anniversary of the 9/11 attack, my professor read the top news headlines as provided on myACU from several news agencies.
CNN’s headline was about the war in Iraq. MSNBC revisited 9/11.
Fox News talked about Kathy Griffin’s off-color remarks during the Emmy’s.
Seriously?
Fox News has a motto on its Web site: “We report. You decide.” Well, I decided.
Fox News is absolutely right.
A war? Remembering one of the most tragic events in American history? C’mon, Kathy Griffin, a D-list comedian, said something offensive and got censored. This is news. People need to know this.
That is why I am going to help Fox News. I’ll report on the rest of the week’s news. You decide what matters.
CNN tries to inform the public about trivial matters, but I won’t stand for it. Why bother learning about why the White House is failing to meet its goals in Iraq when you could be reading about O.J. Simpson robbing a memorabilia dealer in Las Vegas? (I can’t blame him, though – if you can get away with murder, why not try robbery?)
UN chief Ban Ki-moon called an emergency meeting because Africa is on track to fail to meet any goals set for its Millennium Development Goals. Set in 2000, none of the eight goals set and agreed on internationally are close to completion.
Well, Mr. Ki-moon, while you were worried about poverty, disease and education or gender equality, you probably failed to notice Britney Spears is making a comeback. “Gimme More” is holding steady at No. 85 on the charts. Get your head on straight, Ki-moon. This could change the pop music scene for at least a month, if not two weeks.
Sure, the government in Pakistan suffers human casualties weekly because of militant attacks, but Kanye West and 50 Cent are in a tough battle to see which one sells the most albums. In Pakistan, lives hang in the balance, and in America, it is about which millionaire will make $10 million and which will only make $8 million. President Musharraf is in a predicament: should he listen to “Stronger” before he confronts the insurgents or “Ayo Technology”? I’m thinking “Stronger” is a better pump-up song.
Earthquakes have killed at least 13 people in Indonesia, but just as ground-breaking is news that American Gladiators is coming back to television. That’s right, the 80’s steroid laden legends of the arena are coming back. Some news report from some obscure place like the British Broadcasting Corporation said officials might be worried about aftershocks in Indonesia. Aftershock – that sounds like a good name for a Gladiator, right up there with Nitro, Blaze and Laser.
The Northwest Passage melted down so much this year that ships can go through it for the first time since recorded history. If only we could roll back the clock, turn back time – like Ethiopia. Ethiopia got a chance to party like it was 1999 this week. Adhering to a Coptic Orthodox Church calendar, Ethiopia is seven years behind the Gregorian calendar the rest of us use.
Terrorism, war, natural disasters and global warming. That stuff’s just going to get you down.
Stick with Fox News. They’ll make sure you stay informed about the important stuff.
And seriously, that monkey and pigeon picture is so cute.
