Isn’t the Campus Center great? It’s got the Food Court, Campus Store, mailboxes, the WORLD FAMOUS Bean, random couches and tables making great obstacle courses, and of course, those nice LCD TVs that you can never hear. Oh, and that random “Living Room” that doesn’t do anything.

I’m not complaining. But even the best campus centers can use improvements.

Abilene lacks Chipotle. Sharky’s is good, but man I miss me some Chipotle. The Food Court could make the best of additions by moving the fountain drinks to the center, where the Pop-Tart shelf is now, and install a convenient Chipotle food line.

More than 41 million people like Coca-Cola on Facebook. Eight million poor misguided souls have instead chosen to like Pepsi. Through extensive scientific research, I found several of my friends actually like both pages. That’s like rooting for both the Longhorns and Sooners. That’s not allowed. You have to choose. The choice is clear.

The only reason why we have Pepsi is to remind us how sad the world would be without Coke.

Coke is clearly better and more liked than Pepsi. So of course it makes sense that ACU is a Coke-free campus. I’m inclined to start a petition to end Pepsi’s monopoly over campus. My distaste for the Coke-wanna-be grows every day I see Pepsi in the campus center with no competition from its superior. Those soda fountains must change from Pepsi products to Coke, and the sooner the better. Chip chop chip.

I’d like to see the mailroom add telegrams to their list of services. Hipsters love taking vintage-looking photos with vintage cameras and texting is just a primitive form of talking on the phone, so isn’t this just the natural progression? Whether it be a hipsters-only thing or free for everyone to claim as something they like to do, telegrams were the way of the past and will be a prominent part in our futures.

Who says shoeshine stands are limited to airports? Let’s throw one of those in next to that chalk wall that has no chalk with it.

Let’s install a stable platform that hangs above the middle of the campus center. On it we could add a barber shop. No, not just a barber, maybe a legit hair salon. Why stop there? How about a hair, nail and massage salon/spa thing with a name in a foreign language? Nah, we’d never have that at ACU.

I got it. The platform hanging above the campus center will be a dance floor. The Students’ Association dance in the Hunter Welcome Center required a dance surface to be brought in for that occasion. This would be a permanent place to get yo groove on.

I don’t expect for ACU to fulfill all of my requests.

I’ll even settle for a station that students can bring any of their belongings to be sprayed in an odorless substance that would repel all beetles, moths and crickets. And the Coke thing. I want Coke. Make it happen ACU.