This summer, after backing out the previous year and reluctantly forking over a $100 registration fee, I competed in my first ever sprint distance triathlon. This weekend, I will be competing, and hopefully finishing, my second. Now, everyone knows that triathlons are made up of three separate events: the run, bike and swim. What I learned the ... [Read More…]

I realize that my target audience probably won't read this, but I feel the need to address them anyway. I'd like to take a moment to address everyone who refuses to pick up a copy of the Optimist after Chapel. Now, before anyone gets offended, let me explain myself. I understand that everyone has their reasons for not taking a copy of the paper. ... [Read More…]

For years we have struggled against the oppression and bondage of slavery. We were told as early on that slavery has been abolished. We have heard the words "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights that among these are Life, Liberty and the ... [Read More…]

This weekend I turned 24, and to celebrate, some friends and I watched John Carpenter's 1986 classic, Big Trouble in Little China. Out of the five of us watching, only I had seen the movie previously, so I was of course excited to share the experience with others. Now, I don't consider myself a movie buff, and there are plenty of movies that I've ... [Read More…]

I got my first ticket this summer. Eight miles over the speed limit in the middle of nowhere-Menard-County. A whomping $180. I had always believed I was an invincible driver, like I had a sixth sense about cops. I just seemed to intuitively know when to slow my roll. This apparently didn't extend to sheriffs. My dooms-day sheriff was coming the ... [Read More…]

I hate resume building. So much, in fact, that some of my least favorite words in college have become, "that will look good on your resume." Something about them makes me want to defiantly stop whatever it is that I'm doing that is deemed "resume-worthy" out of frustration, because that's not why I chose to do it in the first place. This approach, ... [Read More…]

If you remember the article I wrote in "The Pessimist," our annual satirical issue, I joked briefly about Apple announcing the new iPhone 5G:SUV. But I've been thinking lately: What if it were true? This week, Apple announced the iPhone 5 and as usual, the tech world went bananas over it. But what if Apple instead announced the new iCar, or ... [Read More…]

Two years ago today (Sept. 12), I met my best friend on the first Sunday afternoon of the 2010 NFL season. It was a normal, everyday meeting between two future best friends. What do you call that side room off of Edwards Lobby? The one with all the windows and the nice furniture and the beautiful HDTV? We should give that room a short, catchy ... [Read More…]

Like haikus, an issue of the Optimist is put together following a strict set of rules. Unlike haikus, an issue of the Optimist requires much more than 17 syllables. This is my attempt at making journalism seem poetic. About a week before the paper is published, our Managing Editor, Marissa (pronounced with disgust), sends out story assignments to ... [Read More…]