There are so many things I would do to my body if it meant no student loans.

That may sound a little sadistic, but hear me out. One hundred thousand dollars. There’s not a lot of things I wouldn’t do for that kind of money. And if it means no more financial strain, I am willing to put up with quite a bit.

So alumni, donors to the university and rich people in general, listen up. I’ve got an exciting new way for your wealth to sponsor my education.

I know how you old people love to put your name on campus buildings (I’m looking at you Royce and Pam). And I know how much you are willing to pay as long as your namesake is forged in iron and placed on the wall.

But why would you want to put your name on something fickle and fleeting like a building. Eventually the stone will be rubble and the steel will sit dormant in some junkyard.

Instead, I suggest you forgo stone and steel in favor of ink.

That’s right. For a four time payment of $35,000 (subject to 20 percent increase next semester) you can erect an inky epidermal monument to your greatness.

The tattoo design is completely up to you. Keep it classy with an inky plaque that commemorates your “contributions.” Or maybe your a funny guy. I’m open to back consuming murals of dogs playing poker or Lady Gaga fishing with Pope John Paul II.

If you prefer to embarrass me, I’m sure I can handle becoming less of a person with the addition of a tribal band or Chinese character.

Maybe you are looking for a high traffic location. In that case, I recommend a spot on my oft displayed lower back.

No matter where and what you prefer to tattoo on me, the only thing I expect in return is your full responsibility of my collegiate costs.

Besides, it won’t hurt a bit. At least not as much as a lifetime of debt.