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You are here: Home / Opinion / Columns / Your worship service provider

Your worship service provider

February 8, 2012 by David Singer

Welcome to the Non-Denominational Community Church of Skype, today’s date is Mar. 12, 2023.

I hope everyone is enjoying the comfort of their own home as we gather today for worship. Before the transmission starts, please power off your state-issued iPhones and find a comfortable seat in front of your monitor. We will begin at approximately 10 a.m. EST.

If you would like to add to our prayer requests, please email prayers@churchofskype.com with information regarding the request. All requests will be attended to within four to six days of receipt.

The service will begin in approximately five minutes.

Should someone in your party request a baptism, wait for the signal later in the service and make sure they are located directly in front of your screen. Holy water will be dispersed shortly thereafter and a prerecorded blessing will play.

In the event of a misbehaving child, please promptly mute your device and control and/or remove your child from the room. Should the child be consistently loud, we reserve the right to terminate communication with your device.

The service will begin in approximately three minutes.

As per usual, all songs will be chosen via public vote. Each musical break will be preceded by a choice of three songs. Please send a text with the letter that corresponds to your preferred worship hymn to our song hotline at JESUS (53787).

At the halfway mark of our service, we will open a collection for donations to the church. Please check your email for a link to our offertory PayPal account. We accept all major credit cards as well as money orders and bank transfers.

The service will begin in approximately one minute.

As we near the beginning of our service, please insure that all members of your watching party have properly logged in to guarantee that their attendance credits are recorded.

We are currently experiencing technical difficulties with the system that transmits our songs and hymns. We regret to inform you that hymns in today’s service must be performed a cappella.

We apologize for the inconvenience.

The service will begin now.

Filed Under: Columns

Other Opinion:

  • Skipping class is a drug

  • Athletics have a lack of traditions leading to low engagement from students

  • Directionless but encouraged: My experience on The College Tour’s film set

About David Singer

David is a graphic design major ('13) from Pflugerville, TX.

You are here: Home / Opinion / Columns / Your worship service provider

Other Opinion:

  • Skipping class is a drug

  • Athletics have a lack of traditions leading to low engagement from students

  • Directionless but encouraged: My experience on The College Tour’s film set

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