Duck Dynasty needs to visit ACU because it just so happens to be “no-shave November,” resulting in the best display of beard-ness all across campus.

I don’t know about you but, at this point, I’m feeling a little left out considering the Duck Dynasty brothers have visited everyone but us. Duck Dynasty has visited Rochester College in Rochester Hills, Mich., Liberty University in Lynchburg, Va., Harding University in Searcy, Ark., Lipscomb in Nashville, Tenn., Faulkner in Montgomery, Ala. and Oklahoma Christian University in Edmond, Okla.

What is wrong with us? What did we do? Who in the Robertson family has a personal vendetta against us? Maybe we don’t live where enough trees grow, or maybe they have heard that we are boring. We can match their bushy beards, sweet-tea sippin’, fun-loving personalities. We love to have fun. In fact, we have so much fun we don’t even call it fun. It’s called “praise day” in Chapel or “taco Tuesday” at Rosa’s.

Just imagine what a Chapel forum would be like starring the Duck Dynasty family. They would ride in on one of their Gators, showering the audience with duck calls like candy in a parade. They would tell us funny stories as we get comfortable in our seats, share how their faith has impacted their lives and even let us ask useful questions like, “How do you grow your beard so long?” and, “What does squirrel taste like?” These are the questions that need answering.

Sure, you might not be the biggest fan of Duck Dynasty and you might not love the great outdoors as much as the Robertson family does. You might not even be one to go camping without an air mattress (wimps). You still have to admit, it would be cool to have the Duck Dynasty family visit the ACU campus. Then, when you are old and gray, you can say you were famous by association.

Grow out the beards and get your camo paraphernalia on, because the Duck Dynasty family need to see we are totally serious about this. So serious that we would be willing to dye our underwear camo. So serious we would dedicate a whole day each week to the camo fashion style until they notice us, where every teacher and student must wear camo. Beards are optional, but highly encouraged. Maybe they will visit us if they see a certain level of dedication and mountain-man stature, but preferably in November when the beards are at their finest.