Living in Corpus Christi and growing up in a predominantly Latino culture, I am no stranger to some bomb Mexican food. You can’t drive two miles without passing one or more authentic Mexican food eateries.

With so many options, it may seem difficult to decide where to eat, right? Wrong. Because every one of the Mexican restaurants in Corpus Christi check off the key criteria completely.

There are five main criteria when deciding which Mexican food restaurant to eat at, and all revolve around the most important food group: chips and salsa. Unfortunately, the plight is near impossible in Abilene.

Thus begins the search.

As the criteria stand: One, does the restaurant have chips and salsa? Two, are the chips and salsa homemade? Three, is it bottomless? Four, is it free? Five, does it even taste good?

After living here for three years, I am still looking for the holy grail of chips and salsa. My criteria have not led me to this elusive deliciousness.

One, does the restaurant have chips and salsa?

Luckily enough, with all the advances in modern-day technology, most restaurants have online menus which make locating the chips and salsa a simple enough task. However, I have come to realize that hole-in-the-wall Mexican joints prone to having killer chips and salsa never have websites.

Two, are the chips and salsa homemade? No.

Three, is it bottomless?

This criterion is easy to achieve, as most restaurants are generous enough to supply bottomless chips and salsa. Though the treat comes with a catch; it is only bottomless when it’s provided with your meal – except at Chili’s where you have to buy it first for it to be bottomless, which is lame.

Four, is it free?

It is impossible to Google which places have free chips and salsa. Siri is no help. A lonesome, hungry soul must therefore eat at every Mexican restaurant in hopes of discovering the pot of gold at the end of the fajita line.

Alas, the bank account is not conducive to the quest.

Five, does it even taste good?

If the chips and salsa tasted good, I wouldn’t be writing this.