After Elon Musk’s recent layoffs, budget cuts and innovations throughout his companies and the federal government, Dr. Phil Schubert, president of the university and the Board of Trustees reached out to Musk for financial advising.

To relieve the pressure created by decreasing electric vehicle demand, Musk called for job and budget cuts. For DOGE Coin, people speculate Musk will incorporate the currency into his company, X.

“Elon’s advising will benefit the university and its future,” Schubert said. “Unfortunately that does mean there will be lots of changes coming.”

First, the old Mabee Hall building will be repurposed as a new dining hall. For time purposes, the hall will not undergo any further construction.

“The health inspectors don’t know what they’re talking about,” said project manager Schil Philbert. “The dorm is in perfect condition, and is fit to serve students the highest quality food.”

The new dining hall will be named The World Famous Anthony-Bullock-Mabee-Onstead Bean. The second Bean is expected to help with the post-Chapel Bean rush.

The laundry room washing machines will be used for dishwashing.

After a long list of complaints surrounding the increase in fire alarm evacuations, facilities said they would remove all the alarms from freshmen dorms. From cookie dough to curling irons to candles, students have been forced to vacate their rooms for a number of reasons. At any hour of the day. Addressing the complaints is an investment as it will bring dorm ratings up.

“Removing the fire alarms will actually save us money and time,” RA Sally Smith said. “I heard they’re gonna hire designated fire alertees whose job is to scream if they see smoke.”

Additionally, unlike before hot water will now be available for a small upcharge. Students who wish to have hot water should contact their residence directors for further payment instructions.

Musk also has worked with officials at the NEXT Lab to create revenue-generating opportunities. NEXT is scheduled to generate power through its molten salt reactor, and that electricity will be used to power a huge Tesla charging station that will replace the old Taylor Elementary south of campus.

The revenue saved from financial advising done by Musk will be funneled back into the university’s fan-favorite Limited Access program and Banner updates.

“Given that the textbooks received such amazing reviews this year,” Schubert said, “The organization deserves a bonus.”