After signing NIL deals with Fuzzy’s Taco, Wildcat quarterback Maverick McIvor and guard Dontrez Williams both entered the transfer portal.

“It was an easy decision,” McIvor said. “Football is great, but have you ever had one of these things?”

Williams was just as fired up about the tacos.

“I watched film, I studied my options, and I realized the transfer portal has way more Fuzzy’s locations than Abilene does,” Williams said.

When asked where he was considering going next year, Williams smirked.

“TCU’s got one,” Williams said. “Texas Tech’s got one. Maybe I’ll take my talents to a Power Five Fuzzy’s program.”

However, ACU coaches were blindsided. Word on the street is that head football coach Keith Patterson tried to get the big fellow to stay with some incentives.

“We promised a queso fountain in the locker room, unlimited guacamole barrels, and a ‘Taco Tuesday’ practice exemption,” Patterson said. “They didn’t even blink.”

That wasn’t enough for McIvor.

“People ask me, ‘Why leave ACU?’ And I say, ‘Find me a championship team that doesn’t have multiple Fuzzy’s within a five-mile radius.’ It’s just science, man.”

And now, ACU fans are bracing for more potential heartbreak.

Star pitcher Brett Lanman just inked in his own Fuzzy’s NIL deal, reportedly earning 10 tacos per strikeout.

With rising student protests chanting the slogan “Don’t Let Tacos Take Our Talent,” ACU administration is considering replacing Chick-fil-A with an on-campus Fuzzy’s, causing a whole additional controversy.

However, nothing is set in stone. And if this trend continues, ACU athletics might not survive.

The Wildcats aren’t being out-recruited—they’re being out-taco’d.