By Jared Fields, Managing Editor
Some guys see November as a month of freedom. A whole month they can go without shaving.
No-shave November.
I am not participating in this celebration. I would rather start another protest.
No-songs November.
The new protest, and not just for guys, is to protest everything that is putting Christmas into our thoughts before Thanksgiving.
I walked into three stores this weekend-all playing Christmas music. I asked the third store’s cashier if they were playing the unseasonably merry music because of store mandate. She said
yes, the one CD they use gets very old by the time Christmas actually rolls around. On that particular day, she had 51 days to go.
I felt sadness and pity for her instead of joy to the world.
The lounge act covers of classic holiday songs by obscure artists is enjoyed by customers who think the music is fresh. But to the employees the working environment is more than torturous. The looping CD shrinks their hearts smaller than that of the Grinch.
Everyone has a song or group they cannot listen to because of bad associations with the music. If a once-loved band reminds you of a bitter ex-girlfriend, then the once-loved band can at least be ignored. Hating a band because they’re bigger than fat Elvis when you liked them when they were unknown also causes problems. The same goes for fat Elvis and ex-girlfriends; it can be avoided.
But what is the poor department store cashier to do when the Christmas season approaches? They can’t get away from cheery songs and merry carolers that smother them from Nov. 1 to Dec. 25 or later.
For these poor individuals where the Christmas spirit is stolen, I propose no-songs November.
Just boycotting Christmas songs is not enough, however. To change this Christmas-is-never-too-early attitude, we must place a bigger emphasis on Thanksgiving. To do this, we must rally behind our best musicians and artists and force them to stop making their Christmas Hits albums and start making original Thanksgiving music.
Imagine a month of new classics like Grandma Got Ran Over by a Gobbler; Silent Afternoon, Holy Afternoon; What Turkey is This?; We Three Indians; and Joy to the World, the Turkey’s done.
Creating a genre of music dedicated to another Holiday will force our department stores and little shops to play that music instead, giving us the month we deserve to properly prepare for Christmas music.
So please, even if you love listening to Christmas music all year long, please consider laying off the music between Halloween and Thanksgiving. If not for me, then for the cashiers. They don’t deserve to have such a great part of Christmas ruined like dry, overcooked stuffing.
