By Steve Holt, Opinion Editor
For those of you who’ve had your heads in the sand, this has been a news-filled summer. With lots of news come lots of winners and losers. In no particular order, here are several of them, along with several draws.
Winners
The Space Shuttle Discovery launched and returned without a hitch just two years after Columbia tragically broke apart upon re-entry into earth’s atmosphere.
Jacko: In other news from outer space, Michael Jackson was “not guilty” on all counts of child molestation earlier this summer, giving avid “Entertainment Tonight” watchers some hibernation time until the next celebrity trial. Rumor has it MJ’s next single will be a slightly modified re-make of the classic, “Once, Twice, Three Times Acquitted.”
The Republicans: President Bush pleased conservatives everywhere with his nomination of John Roberts to be the newest Supreme Court puppet Ð I mean justice. After scouring Roberts’ records for “skeletons in the closet,” the Dems sternly questioned whether or not the former Ronald Reagan aide could seriously perform the duties of Supreme Court justice with “such a hauntingly clean record.”
And Now, the Losers
Bush on Iraq: Fifty-four percent of Americans currently believe the U.S. made a mistake in invading Iraq, the highest such percentage since the war began over two years ago. And when things aren’t going so pristinely in an anti-terror conflict, what do you do? Change the name! White House officials are now calling the “war on terror” “a global struggle against the enemies of freedom.” There, that’s much easier to say over coffee and a fritter.
Tom Cruise: The War of the Worlds star found that publicly promoting Scientology and lashing out against clinical psychology is risky business, making most people think he needs some clinical psychology. At least he found a young (!) woman with whom he can happily spend the rest of the decade…
Drivers everywhere: Gas hit $3 a gallon some places in Texas last week, leading the Big Country’s more “rural” inhabitants to consider re-introducing the stagecoach as a viable source of long-distance transportation. Tally-ho, settlers!
It’s a Draw
Lakewood Church: Members of the Houston giga-church, led by “smiling preacher” Joel Osteen, traded in their church bulletins for giant foam fingers last month after moving into the re-modeled Compaq Center. If being a Christian now means sipping macchiatos and listening to Zig Ziglar-esque self-help sermons with 30,000 of your closest friends, count me out.
Bush on intelligence leakage (there’s a joke there, but I’ll take the high road…): “The best place for the facts to be done is by somebody who’s spending time investigating it.” (George W. Bush, July 18, 2005). Well said, Mr. Presi Ð wait, what did he say?
