By Jaci Schneider, Copy Editor

Much Ado About Something

Dear Rita, please go away. We don’t want you here; I’m very sorry, but you’re not at all welcome. Your sister Katrina already visited last month, and we’re still recovering; your family sure knows how to outstay its welcome.

I know, you’re thinking about visiting Galveston and Houston this time, instead of New Orleans, but you know how easy it is for you to wander off track, and even a quick visit in New Orleans would throw it back into a flooded chaos. You don’t want that to happen do you?

And I really don’t think it would be wise to visit Texas either. All those tens of thousands of people your sister forced out of Louisiana are trying to make a home there; you really would be cruel to come in and force them to become nomadic once again. Some people are already leaving for Arkansas. Aren’t you remorseful at all?

Sure, Katrina has gotten a lot of attention lately, and it must be hard to be the 17th child. I know you don’t want to feel neglected, but maybe you should work on positive attention, not negative like your older sister. You’ve already shown us you have the capacity for mercy by sparing the Florida Keys on Tuesday.

Think of the joy you would bring if you just disappeared this week. People would return home with happy hearts, praising you and your thoughtfulness. If you really must visit us, at least calm down a little bit first. Try to downgrade to a tropical storm, or maybe just a thunderstorm–that would really be great.

Don’t go bothering our neighbors either. Mexico has also had enough visits from your family this year, and they have enough of their own problems without you interfering.

And please, tell your family to leave us alone. It seems you guys can’t get enough of us, but we sure have had enough of you. Yes, technically your family can stay with us for two more months, but this has been an intense summer. You know what Proverbs 25:17 says: “Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house–too much of you, and he will hate you.”

We really don’t want to hate you Rita, but if you come visit us, we will.