By Tanner Anderson, Page Editor
Some president famously once said, “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.”
Well, my fellow Wildcats, after months of pontificating and weeks of scouring through dictionaries to find out what the word pontificating even means, here are some options that will hopefully do some good for our country.
Problem 1: Price of oil and gasoline
Option: Since filling up an entire tank of gas still is economically painful, let us save by using public transportation. Now some of you might say there is no way you ever will travel on a bus or dart rail. Well that is fine, but I bet you would use public transportation if it were the most ridiculous roller coaster you have ever seen in your entire life. Instead of having buses and dart rails, let us make a gigantic roller coaster, which drops the public off to their desired location. This means an improvement in punctuality, whether it is getting to school, work or any other important function. I mean, who would want to miss a ride on a roller coaster; besides women who are pregnant and people who have heart conditions?
Problem 2: Obama nay-sayers and Obama evangelists
Option: It is becoming old hearing about both Obama nay-sayers and Obama evangelists. One side screams socialism and the destruction of our democracy, while the other side screams stimulus salvation. This is before any type of economic “change” has a chance to sprout from the ground. Let something happen first before you jump on one side of the teeter-totter; sheesh.
And if you say Obama has had months to turn the economy around, well it took more than several months for people to deteriorate our economy. It will take some time for it to get back on track; this would be true if the president was Democratic or Republican.
My suggestion is after Obama’s term, the American people choose their favorite presidents; these two or more presidents that receive the most votes then will be cloned into a super president. I think a George Washington Taft Reagan Jr. could do wonders for us. Or we could bring back the Whig party.
Problem 3: CEO’s and their multi-million-dollar severance packages
Option: Another item becoming old quickly is seeing CEO’s of major companies that have been bailed out by the government treating themselves to millions of dollars in severance packages. These selfish white-collar thieves do not even have the common courtesy to rob the American people while wearing masks. So if these CEO’s find themselves worthy of this pay grade, they should find a solution to our slumping economy.
If they do not solve the problem, we should put all of these offenders on an island in the middle of nowhere with one single crisp dollar bill and watch them fight to the death for it. Or if you do not believe in capital punishment, we can seal them off in a room separated from the rest of humanity and let them play the board game Monopoly for the rest of their days. At least they will have fun.
Now these options may not seem “logical,” but people thought the same way about Isaac Newton and his “theories.” So years later, when the days of high priced gasoline and depressing economy are just a distant memory, do not be surprised if you are thanking George Washington Taft Reagan Jr. and chanting, “Four more years.”