For years now, the ACU food court has been a modern day Mecca for those seeking the height of gourmet cooking and fine dining. With chicken prepared and breaded in innumerable shapes as well as exotic offerings like crab and lobster sandwiches, it’s no wonder that the food court is ACU’s Dubai.
In spite of their stellar quality, none of these unparalleled options can compare with the real pinnacle of this year’s ACU dining experience: the milkshake machine.
While I could easily capture your heart and mind with glorious descriptions of the flavors, quality, and availability of these milkshakes, there is a far greater purpose surrounding the milkshake machine:
The milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard – I mean the campus center.
Because of this inevitable fact, the milkshake machine’s installation is a brilliant move by ACU’s strategists. After all, as anyone who is familiar with ACU’s recruiting process knows, ACU is selling community, life long friendships, and – on a disturbingly regular basis – the chance to intermarry and become part of a literal ACU family, not just the metaphorical one.
It’s beautiful really, the way that ACU dining services has installed this monument to America’s most world-renowned commodities – fat and sugar. The only thing more beautiful may be its location. As the most eloquent of real estate agents point out, “Location, location, location.”
After all, location is what creates a direct line connecting the milkshake machine to the fulfillment of ACU’s beautiful recruiting promises.
You see, if the milkshakes bring all the boys into what is already the hub of ACU networking, who knows what could unfold. If the girls follow the boys – which they inevitably will – the gathering of people surrounding the milkshake machine could quickly turn strangers into friends and friends into couples. If the milkshakes are good enough, the ACU community could be looking at its highest “Ring by Spring” statistics of all time.
There’s a goal for this community to fix its eyes upon.
As this semester begins, keep your eyes open. Maybe you’ll start to see the milkshakes bring all the boys to the campus center.
After all, the milkshake machine just may be the ACU difference.
For more on the ACU difference, check out the wit and satirical genius that The Pessimist and The Professor are posting all over theacudifference.wordpress.com.