I used to be a motivated, disciplined person. I turned things in on time. I never missed a class. I actually did the assigned reading and had never laid eyes on the demonic destroyer of literature that is Sparknotes.

That was before. It was before Fall Break, when I was hopeful and naive, telling myself that “this semester will be different!”

This weekend, I watched six Hallmark Christmas movies. Six. I was finally able to get myself out of bed and attempted to go to the library, but while driving there, a Miley Cyrus song came on the radio and I drove around the block seven times in order to listen to it before finally giving up on studying and going home to watch more Hallmark movies.

I don’t know why I bother pretending this system will change. I go through the exact pattern of laziness and panic every single semester.

Why do I do this to myself?

Because the sheer panic I will feel during finals week is far better motivation than the satisfaction of being prepared. I will finally make the dreaded descent into the lowest level of the library (otherwise known as The Dungeon or The Chamber of Secrets). I abandon normal sleeping patterns and basic hygiene. At some point I will have a mental breakdown and vow to never do this to myself again. Then, adrenaline will kick in and I will ride a wave of terror and exhaustion to the end of the semester.

When the war has ended, I will emerge victorious. I will get good grades because, for some reason, this ridiculous system works for me.

Let me be clear: you should not try this at home. Most people perform better having slept, showered and not attempted to cram a semester’s worth of work into a single night.

But there are the few, the proud, those who freely choose to abandon all school work until finals week. Those who are confident that the pure fear they feel during finals will be motivation enough to succeed. To these comrades I offer salutations and blessings. May the spirits of those who have gone before you guide you to passing grades. May God look on you with pity and your professors with grace and, of course, may the odds be ever in your favor.