This shall be the penultimate printing of the intramural column everyone has grown to love (or hate) over the course of the last two semesters. And because there is no guarantee this column will be continued in the future (apparently it’s not the type of ‘true journalism’ the Optimist strives for), I would suggest you keep this edition and have it on hand in the future.
You never know when you might forget to bring an umbrella to work and need something to hold over your head so your hair doesn’t curl in the rain. Or maybe you just can’t seem to get that wood in the fireplace to catch a spark. Or perhaps that pesky mosquito has been bothering you and you’re too lazy to get up from the couch to slap it. Whatever the circumstances, you can always be thankful for this intramural column.
Women’s Champ Soccer
After the rainy season in Abilene postponed many of last week’s matchups, the playoffs finally got underway Monday.
The third-seeded Kojies easily handled last-place GATA, 4-1, and advanced to face No. 2 seed B.O.B. in the semifinal Tuesday.
Kojie soccer great Anna Beasley gave me some insight on how the Kojies go about winning the beautiful game.
“We Kojies know that games are won at halftime,” Beasley said. “It’s all about the halftime snackage. I don’t want to give away any of our secrets, but Pacific Cooler Capri Suns and cuties are the keys to our success.”
But we’ve heard this before, Beasley.
Alpha Kai Omega’s Carolyn Miller told us oranges were her team’s secret as well. Miller even said her team was willing to share their oranges.
I’m beginning to think it’s something more than just a bunch of cuties on the sidelines at halftime, because there are already plenty of those at each game. Did I say that”¦?
Speaking of Alpha Kai, the Kaios defeated Doomsday Divas in the other quarterfinal Monday by an identical 4-1 score. Alpha Kai played the first-ranked Siggies Tuesday, looking for what might be the biggest upset since the rumor hit campus that La Pop was closing down.
Back to Beas and the Kojies, the team has been hard at work preparing for the grueling playoffs.
“We’ve been playing a lot of FIFA and watching Mary Kate and Ashley’s hit movie Switching Goals daily,” Beasley said. “It has been a pretty tough week of prep, but we are willing to do whatever it takes to win.”
Beasley went on to credit her team’s most valuable contributors.
“This year’s MVP was honestly a tie between our team dad Eric Schinske and Kojie legend Marquita Bugg,” Beasley said. “While neither are technically on the team, they have both carried us through this season. Without their unwavering support (and halftime snacks) we would not have made it this far into the post season.”
The winners of the two semifinals will play at 10 p.m. Thursday for the coveted championship XL T-shirt.
Men’s Champ Soccer
Baba Yao defeated Sub T-16 in the first game of the regular season, 3-0. When the two squads met again in Monday’s semifinal, Baba Yao wouldn’t be so lucky. Instead, Sub T walked off the pitch with a 4-2 victory and a chance to defend its title on Thursday.
This wasn’t the greatest victory for Sub T over the past few days, though. Somewhere else in today’s newspaper (probably should’ve been front page) you can read all about Barrett Brown and Connor Osburn taking down a competitive field in a local cornhole tournament.
And if you don’t know what cornhole is, just remember this is Texas and names don’t necessarily always make sense. But for reference, it’s that game where you chuck (not “chunk”) bean bags through a hole on a board about 30 feet away. So congratulations to those two for being so athletic.
Their opponent was decided Tuesday night as Frats and Friends battled Gamma Sigma Phi in the second semifinal. The Frats first had to defeat Team Kaneko on Monday night, marking just their second win of the entire season. But after a 3-1 victory over Kaneko, the Frats seem to have found an offense typically reserved for their Super Smash Bros. tournaments.
GSP, as the No. 1 seed, had a little extra time to prepare for Frats and Friends.
Gamma Tyler Eidson knows there are weak points in his team’s game that can be fixed.
“Hmm, we could focus on endurance,” Eidson said. “Hittin’ the gym for the ladies is great and all, but if you can’t run a few miles without dying, then it’s pointless.”
Eidson didn’t want to look past the semifinal, but he already had his sights on what could come about should the Gammas knock off Frats and Friends.
“I think I speak for the team when I say we are looking forward to playing Sub T,” Eidson said. “They mirror our strengths in many ways, and it always makes for a fun match.”
If the game is tied at the end of regulation, as it was when the two teams met during the regular season, and no one scores in extra time, you can expect Sub T to lobby for a cornhole tournament rather than penalty kicks.
Sub T will play Tuesday night’s winner at 9 p.m. Thursday.