It seems like it was only a few short weeks ago the Larry “Satch” Sanders Intramural Fields were first trod upon by eager flag football players, ready to take on another school year and another run at intramural glory. Now, nearly two semesters later, with the soccer season entering playoffs, the intramural fields and gyms will soon be nothing more than empty shells of themselves, quietly awaiting the return of autumn to once again be occupied by aspiring athletes, sprained ACLs, and girls with puppies.
I don’t know what I’m going to miss more””writing this intramural column and always trying to think of new ways to insult social clubs, hearing relayed complaints from my editor and realizing the GATAs and Siggies are too proud of their clubs to take a joke, or watching mediocre athletes try to impress their girlfriends by reliving their high school glory days.
In all honesty, I’m a little bit surprised with what I’ve been allowed to get away with through writing this article each week. I won’t apologize if I’ve upset some people, because many of you only read The Optimist to see who I ragged on each week anyway. And the more readers, the better.
For the most part, you’ve been good sports, and some of you have even been good at sports.
And now that I’ve filled a bit of space so I don’t have to write 800 words about soccer”¦
Women’s Champs League
We’re going with the ladies first, because I was unfair to them in my last column. I compared women’s soccer to watching grass grow, but over Easter weekend I learned there is something out there even more mind-numbing””it’s called Odessa. So ladies, I apologize. And if anyone is from Odessa, I’m also sorry. Not sorry if I offended you, but sorry you’re from Odessa, just to be clear.
Sure, the town can boast as host of Friday Night Lights, but I think the show could be more aptly named Friday Nightlights, because the town will put you to sleep faster than a Come to the Quiet Chapel service.
Right, back to women’s soccer”¦
After the Siggies and Kojies tied Monday night, the regular season wrapped up with Sigma Theta Chi claiming the No. 1 seed heading into the playoffs at 3-0-1.
B.O.B. sits in second at 3-1-0, after what would have been deemed a surprising loss to fifth place Doomsday Divas. But really, it can’t be a surprise if no one even knows it happened, right?
The Kojies are third and Alpha Kai Omega fourth, leaving””you guessed it””GATA at the bottom of the standings at 0-3-1.
And because I’ve pretty much ignored the club all year, I caught up with Alpha Kai intramural director Carolyn Miller to discuss what life is like for the intramurally irrelevant. She summed up the year succinctly.
“Orange,” Miller said. “We’ve eaten a lot of oranges this season alone. Whether orange slices or whole cuties, they always have a strong presence on the field.”
Although her team does not necessarily find itself near the top of the standings very often, Miller said the team still takes itself and its sport seriously.
“Like I said before, we are pretty good at eating oranges,” Miller stated. “But what we’re really good at is combining other sports into soccer. Various players will do the splits, do some tumbles, do a handspring while throwing in the ball and even dive. Sometimes if we’re feeling particularly adventurous we will play volleyball too, which normally results in a hand ball penalty, but as long as it’s not in the goalie box we’re good with it!”
And although winning might not be the team’s forte, sportsmanship certainly is.
“We are ready to play any team that comes our way,” Miller said. “Win or lose, we’ll share our oranges with them.”
The playoff schedule has not yet been released, but the first round will likely begin Monday, with Sigma Theta Chi and B.O.B. earning byes to the semifinals. Ko Jo Kai will play GATA and Alpha Kai will face Doomsday Divas.
Men’s Champs League
Baba Yao is guaranteed at least a tie for first in the regular season standings at 3-0-1. The Gammas played last place Bink Squad Tuesday night for an opportunity to equal Baba Yao’s record.
Comprised of former Wildcat basketball players, Bink Squad’s intramural season thus far has looked quite similar to the men’s basketball team’s season, only Bink Squad didn’t win its first few games to make everyone think it might be really good this year. Perhaps it needs the trusty Wildcat Reign to come out and support. I’m sure five extra fans would help significantly.
Defending champions Sub T-16 sit in third and will play the sixth seed in the first round of playoffs, which will likely end up being Bink Squad.
Team Kaneko and Frats and Friends are fourth and fifth, respectively, and will play in the other quarterfinal.