At this point in time, my life feels like an Avery Monsen and Jury John book.
To be more specific, All my friends are dead, with everybody disappearing to the theology room and other such places to drown themselves in study guides.
Scattered across campus with blood-shot eyes and Starbucks in hand, we all barely made it through pre-finals week.
Now, we get to prepare for our finals. Dead Day will live up to its name, reaping the hollowed shells of what used to be known as students.
We are, as the senior Sing Song act so properly predicted, zombies. OK, so they thought the plague would hit only seniors, but that was just about their only miscalculation.
So, to protect us all from the apocalypse, here is some advice on how to survive the zombies from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
On the Center for Disease Control’s blog, they write “You may laugh now, but when it happens you’ll be happy you read this, and hey, maybe you’ll even learn a thing or two about how to prepare for a real emergency.”
And here we are, folks, at a real emergency – finals.
So let’s take a look at that advice.
To stock up on:
1. Water – Prepare the Camelbaks. Maybe buy three more.
2. Food – Make sure it is non-perishable, because no one knows how long they’ll be studying for Historical Books of the Old Testament.
3. Medication – Everyone is getting sick, pick up some Airborne before heading to the library.
4. Tools and supplies – Coffee, pens, paper, computer, computer charger, etc.
5. Sanitation and Hygiene – Please put on deodorant. Also, please brush your teeth.
6. Clothing and bedding – Just kidding, no one is going to sleep. Grab some blankets to keep warm.
7. Important documents – Like the syllabus that everyone threw in the bottom of their backpack the first day of class. Yeah, it would be nice to know if the final is comprehensive.
8. First Aid supplies – Basically just coffee. Lots of coffee.
Identify the types of emergencies that are possible in your area – such as mental breakdowns and hissy fits. Avoid those at all costs.
Pick a meeting place for your (friends) to regroup – just to make sure you’re all still alive after not seeing one another for several days.
Identify your emergency contacts – who in the class would know the answer to question 11 on the study guide?
Plan your evacuation route – it’s always good to have a backup plan if college doesn’t work out.
And with that, my fellow students, you will survive the studypocalypse.