The College Republicans and College Democrat students seem to only agree on one thing; the socialist referees from the Young Democratic Socialists of America chapter need to take a side.
The Republicans and Democrats went head to head on Saturday in the intramural football game of a lifetime. The Republicans took a strong lead in the first half, scoring 14 to 0. Mitchell Chambers, one of the Republican quarterbacks, said the Democrats couldn’t handle the heat.
“It looks like these Democrats on the block just couldn’t handle the heat of our seasoned team,” Mitchell said. “They may have put up a fight in the first half, but we all know that’s just a warm-up for us. It’s like comparing a toddler’s tee-ball game to the World Series – there’s just no comparison. So, to all the Democrats out there, better luck next time.”
The College Democrats declined to comment following the first half.
After lots of trash talk from the Republican team, they ended up coming short in the third quarter, with the Democrats matching their score. Benjamin Dover said the Republicans were too busy daydreaming.
Why did the Republican football team always come up short?” Dover said. “Because they spent more time dreaming up the wall they are gonna build than actually practicing their plays.”
In a shocking twist, the YDSA referees decided that enough is enough and that the game should end after the 3rd quarter to provide equality to all teams. Referee Hello Alexander, said that it’s his job to ensure a fair game.
“As a referee, it’s my job to ensure fair play on the field,” Alexander said. “And sometimes, that means calling a game when both teams have put up an equal fight. Sure, a tie may not be as exciting as a clear winner, but it promotes equality and fairness in sports. It shows that both teams are capable of holding their own, and that victory doesn’t always have to come at the expense of someone else’s defeat. So, let’s give credit where it’s due and celebrate the fact that both teams were able to come out on top today.”
At the end of the game, the referees handed each player a participation award to commemorate their own growth and achievements throughout the game.
The next game between the College Republicans and College Democrats is scheduled for Jan. 6.
