And we’re back.

The spring intramural season kicks off this week with Champs League basketball (insert Lil’ Bow Wow lyrics here). On any given night, the Rec is sure to be filled with players sporting sweaty headbands, armbands, shin-length shorts, maybe a compression sleeve or two and 23 different pairs of J’s (and that’s just the women’s league).

Now, I’ll be honest, as a Canadian, basketball season was worthless to me because it always interfered with hockey season. In my mind, playing a sport where only half the athletes still had their front teeth appealed to me much more than one in which you essentially scored free points if someone touched you (more on that later). And yes, for those of you who refuse to go outside once the temperature drops below 40 degrees Fahrenheit, I’m talking about ice hockey. In Canada, “ice” is always implied.

Women’s Champs League

Six teams will vie for the title in this season’s rugby – ahem – basketball league. Don’t let those sweet little smiles fool you. These ladies can throw ‘bows better than a Siggie at a bouquet toss.

As far as the teams go, the usual suspects are at it again. Alpha Kai Omega, Ko Jo Kai, GATA and Sigma Theta Chi have entered teams, with Ko Jo Kai returning as defending champions.

After the Siggies won flag football, GATA won waterball and the Kojies won volleyball, I think for fairness’ sake the basketball championship should be awarded to Alpha Kai. If the clubs seriously claim to be sisters in Christ, they need to share everything equally. Including intramural championships. Let’s face it; after not even entering a team in Champs League last year, Alpha Kai is going to need all the help they can get.

The other two challengers will try to upend the social club supremacy. The Has-Beens and LEGIT are teeming with players with ball skills for days, and own a significant advantage in that the players won’t be doubling up ball games with Sing Song practices every night.

Men’s Champs League

With nine teams in the league this year, one thing is clear. Nearly every male at ACU not already on a university sports team believes he has the skills to ball with the best.

Intramural Basketball has started and the competition is tough. (Optimist photo by Jarred Schuetze)

If you accidentally wander into the Rec on game night, you’ll be sure to notice a few things.

First, the unbelievably high testosterone levels. Sticking ten sweaty men in a crowded area and having them try to put a ball in a basket is always a sure-fire method to bring out the best in people.

Second, the complaining. Cries of, “He fouled me!” and, “Come on, ref!” will echo through the gyms for hours after the final buzzer sounds. Those ten men who so bravely fight for a position on the court are the same ten who are known to collapse as though shot if they feel a tap on their hands while shooting.

Finally, excuses. My personal favorite is, “It must be windy in here,” most often said while the ball sails a foot wide of the hoop.

Sub T-16 is the defending champion, but that will be tough to repeat this year. The team hasn’t practiced much, as the club has a policy of devoting the majority of its time to its Sing Song act.

Cody Luttrell, captain of Sub T, knows his team’s expectations are tempered this year.

“Two of our team goals are to make at least one full court shot on the year,” Luttrell said, “and our other is to throw Parker Bow an alley-oop in a game.”

Expect the Subbers to bring out their new secret weapon in the first game, Tanner “Spider-Man” Marlar.

“Myth has it he has a secret spidey-sense that allows him to jump higher and attract the balls to his hands better,” Luttrell said.

Upcoming Events

Spring intramurals will look slightly different this year.

A dodgeball tournament will take place Feb. 24-26, hosted by the Students’ Association. There will be a men’s league and a women’s league, and the registration deadline is Feb. 20.

Soccer season will follow basketball season, with Champ and Rec leagues for both men and women. Register by Feb. 25.

And finally, in what may go down as the greatest intramural tournament of all time, the intramural sports department will present the inaugural Super Smash Bros. tournament. This is not a lie.

Details are yet to be confirmed as to the gaming system used. Some people want N64, while others prefer Wii.

One thing is certain. On Feb. 20-21, a battle that has raged over the last 15 years will finally be decided once and for all. Well, at least for 24 hours.

By the time the Super Smash Bros. tournament is over, no one is going to remember who won flag football. No one will care who won volleyball or basketball. Everything will be decided by the victor of Super Smash Bros. Just imagine the t-shirt.