The popular anonymous app across campus, YikYak, launched its newest feature this week: YikYak Match, an anonymous matchmaking tool that pairs users based on proximity, mutual vibes and, allegedly, “shared chaos energy.”

Within hours of its release, students across campus reported a noticeable spike in both excitement and immediate regret.

“I thought it was a joke at first,” said sophomore communications major Chris P. Bacon, who matched with “Yak_4Life23.” “But then we started talking, and I was like… wait, this person understands my beef with Galaxy, and that’s when I knew it was serious. Or at least semi-serious. Like group-project serious.”

The feature, which is entirely anonymous until users agree to reveal their identities, has already led to what experts are calling “the most confusing talking stages in history,” narrowly beating out Wildcat Week situationships.

“I’ve been flirting with someone for three days,” said junior biology major Anita Job. “We bonded over long walks on the Luns and skipping Chapel. But I have this horrible feeling it might be my ex.”

YikYak developers claim the feature is designed to “bring people together in an authentic, low-pressure environment.” 

However, early reports suggest it’s mostly bringing people into situations they will later unpack in therapy.

Campus officials have declined to comment, but one anonymous resident assistant admitted the rollout has complicated their job.

“We had a noise complaint last night that turned out to be two people arguing because they accidentally matched with each other’s boyfriends,” they said. “At that point, I was tired of being a mediator and told them to just work it out.”

Despite the confusion, many students remain optimistic, or at least entertained enough to keep checking the app every five minutes.

“It’s kind of like a social experiment,” said freshman undeclared major Pat Myback. “Like, are you falling for someone’s personality, or just their Karma on YikYak? Because if it’s Karma, I need to step my game up.”

Others, however, are approaching the feature with caution.

“I matched with someone who said they hated my clubs’ Sing Song act from last year,” said senior accounting major Ella Funt. “I unmatched immediately. I have standards. Some things are just non-negotiable.”

As of now, YikYak Dating shows no signs of slowing down. Students have reportedly begun spending significantly more time refreshing their feeds, decoding anonymous posts and trying to figure out if “tall, mysterious, avoids eye contact in the Bean” is a compliment or a direct callout.

Several users have even taken to posting live updates about their matches.

“I saw someone post, ‘my YikYak match just said they love Jesus and iced coffee, should I marry them?’ and then five minutes later, ‘never mind, they double texted,’” Myback said. “I didn’t know double-texting was even a bad thing.”

With formal season approaching, many students are now turning to YikYak Match instead of traditional methods like introductions, mutual friends or basic eye contact.

Bacon reported he was still talking to “Yak_4Life23,” though neither have agreed to reveal their identity.

“I think we’re both scared,” Bacon said. “This way, she’ll never find out I’m not actually a 6’5, blue-eyed, muscular, finance bro.”