https://issuu.com/jmcnetwork/docs/optimist_print_edition_04.01.25_-_the_pessimist ... [Read More…]
PESSIMIST: ACU athletics to move ‘Touchdown Jesus’ to stadium
After the departure of key offensive players on the ACU football team, the department of athletics has decided to move the “Touchdown Jesus” statue from the Lunsford trail to the football field. The team went 9-5 last season and won the United Athletic Conference and a first-round playoff game. But the team will be without key players, Maverick ... [Read More…]
PESSIMIST: Ear splitting fun: CAB hosts campus silent disco
The Campus Activities Board approached this year's silent disco a little differently, earning the title of the loudest silent disco ever attempted. What started as a fun twist on the traditional silent disco ended with two students hospitalized, angry residents and pages of police reports. On Friday, the Campus Center filled with hundreds of ... [Read More…]
PESSIMIST: Limited Access will soon launch in bookstore
After receiving many complaints about the Wildcat Access program and the process for distributing books at the beginning of each semester, the university has reached a new deal with eCampus. This new deal will hand out books at the end of the school year to test students’ true IQs. University president Phil Schubert said this new process will ... [Read More…]
PESSIMIST: Financial adviser makes budget cuts across campus
After Elon Musk's recent layoffs, budget cuts and innovations throughout his companies and the federal government, Dr. Phil Schubert, president of the university and the Board of Trustees reached out to Musk for financial advising. To relieve the pressure created by decreasing electric vehicle demand, Musk called for job and budget cuts. For DOGE ... [Read More…]
PESSIMIST: Greek Life ‘stirs the pot’ with rule changes
Since the conclusion of the 2025 pledging process, Robin McPherson and the Greek Life Office have announced the upcoming changes to clubs and their pledging regulations. “We think they’ve gotten too comfortable and accustomed to the current rules,” McPherson said. “If we continue to change the rules, it will stay entertaining and force clubs to ... [Read More…]
PESSIMIST: Men’s basketball coach to pledge Sub T-16
After receiving support from campus fraternity Sub T-16 this men’s basketball season, Head Coach Brette Tanner has received a bid from the club to join. Tanner celebrated with the club members after each win this season. He said he plans to accept the bid and begin the pledging process. Founded in 1923 Sub T-16 is one of the oldest social clubs ... [Read More…]
PESSIMIST: Officially Mr. and Mrs. ACU: New cherished tradition greets ACU
Ring by Spring meets Mr. ACU and Miss ACU as this year's honorees will engage in what ACU Student Life expects to be a new cherished ACU tradition – an arranged marriage. Each year students elect two senior students –a man and a woman – to be named Mr. ACU and Miss ACU as who best represent the university and its core values. The recognized ... [Read More…]
PESSIMIST: Optimist staff named new Sing Song judge
After hearing students’ positive feedback regarding The Optimist Sing Song predictions, The Optimist staff has been chosen to judge all future Sing Song acts. Over the past several years, The Optimist has had unprecedented accuracy when it comes to predicting the winners, never failing to pick the winners with limited drama around campus, said ... [Read More…]
PESSIMIST: Voldemort takes over COBA in “hostile muggle merger”
After years of searching for a major donor, the College of Business Administration has finally secured a name. Unfortunately, it’s one no one is allowed to say out loud. Enter: The College That Shall Not Be Named. Voldemort has officially taken control of the College of Business Administration. The Dark Lord arrived last Monday at 8:04 a.m., ... [Read More…]
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