Attached below is a story included in the Optimist’s annual Pessimist print edition. The Pessimist is published annually April 1 and includes entirely fake stories for satirical purposes.  In another victory for the Athletic Department, Stephen the Badger, who sued the men’s basketball program for defamation, has dropped all suits.  This comes ... [Read More…]

Attached below is a story included in the Optimist’s annual Pessimist print edition. The Pessimist is published annually April 1 and includes entirely fake stories for satirical purposes. Students will be whipping and nae naeing at 11 p.m. on April 15 inside the ACU Central Plant on campus.  Last fall, students participated in the first-ever ... [Read More…]

Attached below is a story included in the Optimist’s annual Pessimist print edition. The Pessimist is published annually April 1 and includes entirely fake stories for satirical purposes. Social club G*l*xy is planning to donate an on-campus goat farm in place of the Intramural Fields which are currently under construction.  The fraternity ... [Read More…]

Attached below is a story included in the Optimist’s annual Pessimist print edition. The Pessimist is published annually April 1 and includes entirely fake stories for satirical purposes. After multiple sightings from football players, no one thought that the ghost of former head coach Adam Dorrel in Wildcat Stadium would never ... [Read More…]

Attached below is a story included in the Optimist's annual Pessimist print edition. The Pessimist is published annually April 1 and includes entirely fake stories for satirical purposes. Dr. Phil Schubert, president of the university, said in a campus-wide email that he's been informed COVID-19 is no match to his own words. "Hey Wildcats. I ... [Read More…]

Attached below is a story included in the Optimist's annual Pessimist print edition. The Pessimist is published annually April 1 and includes entirely fake stories for satirical purposes. The Department of Psychology is adding a new major based on the Enneagram personality test. The Enneagram is a faith-based personality profile that has ... [Read More…]